DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH BEGINS BOLDLY
Camp Lejeune Globe
October 4, 2012
Combat isn’t reserved for the battlefield, and the blood of wounded warriors isn’t always shed on foreign soil.
“An abused woman’s experience is similar to a service member’s,” Sgt. Michael Coker carefully explained to his rapt audience. “They’re always combat ready, they suppress their anger, and they receive less support than most people.”
Coker, who served 20 years as a police officer with the Portsmouth, Va., Police Department, took the lead as guest speaker for scores of social services professionals, command leaders, and members of base and civilian police forces who came together at the annual Domestic Violence Prevention and Awareness Conference at Marston Pavilion aboard Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune Oct. 1.
“We have it on base every year,” said Cyndi Schachter, who attended the event with other members of Onslow County Department of Social Services. “It helps kick off Domestic Violence Awareness Month.”
Advocates of abuse victims celebrate the 25th anniversary of Domestic Violence Awareness Month this October and continue to spotlight the atrocities of the crimes cloaked in silence.
“Silence hides violence,” Marilyn Nakamura, Marine Corps Family Services New River, recited. “Knowledge is power. We need people to know the warning signs. If people don’t know, the ones who need help won’t get it.”
Coker spoke to the crowded room with a riveting passion about a wide array of subjects including the four different types of abuse, critical needs of victims and the most obvious question – why do they stay in abusive relationships?
“The second you come off judgmental, they’ll stop talking to you,” he told the crowd. “It kills all communication. Remember, it’s not against the law to stay. It’s against the law to abuse.”
While the explanations for victims’ behaviors are numerous, Coker pointed out the number one reason they continue to stay in abusive relationships is a basic human emotion – fear.
“When you’re immobilized by fear, it’s hard to move,” he said.
He broke down the categories of abuse and reminded the professionals in the room of the importance of knowing a solid definition of domestic violence.
According to Coker, domestic violence is a pattern of physically, sexually, emotionally and psychologically abusive behaviors used by an individual to assert power or maintain control over another individual in the context of an intimate or family relationship.
“When you go to court (to represent the victim), you have to appear credible,” he stated. “A good attorney will ask you what domestic violence is, and you better be ready. Come in with your (information) together. Know your case and know your victims.”
He emphasized how a pattern may be occurring even if law enforcement or other professionals were only notified recently.
“Domestic violence is rarely a one time incident,” Coker noted.
Robin Nalls, who trains other social workers in Onslow County, agreed with the information Coker gave.
“We have a mindset that says what happens at home stays at home,” she said. “However, domestic violence affects the entire community. It’s important for everyone to know and be able to recognize the signs.”
The effects of the stories and actual 911 calls were visible on the faces of those in attendance, and Coker explained the critical needs all victims share. They need, want and desire safety, support, valid information, access, continuity, a voice, and, of course, justice.
“Someone has to be held accountable,” Coker responded.
He urged his audience to spend time with the victims and not to use themselves as benchmarks. Then he noted how every victim is holding on to hope, even if it’s only a sliver.
“Most victims know they’re in a bad situation, but … no matter how much information you give them, they won’t go until they’re ready to go,” he acknowledged. “Hope is the anticipation something good is going to happen, and they have it.”
If you suspect domestic violence is occurring or are a victim call 1-800-799-7233.
Next entry: Chesterfield Annual Domestic Violence Conference October 26
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